When I led PM teams, I often had to help PMs frustrated by a lack of alignment with PMs in other orgs.

Sometimes, I’d suggest a simple fix: send an engineer or a designer to talk to the other team instead. Worked like magic.

PM-to-PM ego is a problem that no one talks about, but it is common in top companies.

In fact, product managers are often most difficult with each other.

Progress often stalls not because of complexity, but because each PM is too busy trying to prove they’re the smartest in the room.

Is it also because the underlying complexity of the ‘ask’ (or lack of) is not well understood? And therefore the first reaction to incoming work is to ‘deflect’.

First the decision is made to deflect, then the reason is conceived: the ask isn’t well scoped or fully understood.

If you need proof of this, ask: does the team also reject a proposal it wants to do because it isn’t well scoped?

This btw is how human nature works in general.

The first instinct when being on the receiving end of rejection/deflection is to “explain your POV” (talking more). After all, this is how school works. You get bad grades if you can’t explain your POV. You get good grades if you can explain your POV clearly.

This is not the way the world works. POV is worthless. Nobody cares about POV.

How then to get what you want?

Make that thing you want valuable to them. (even better) Make it unignorable.

Consider how you would solve for these motivations felt (subconsciously in many cases) by the stakeholder(s):

  • De-risk “taking [X] action makes-me-look-stupid-to-my-boss”
  • Increase probability of “taking [X] action makes-me-look-smart-to-my-boss”
  • (there is a 3rd approach that is the most powerful IMO but also the most dangerous tool to wield b/c of how it can screw up interpersonal dynamics) Increase probability of “ignoring [X] action makes-me-look-stupid-to-my-boss-when-pointed-out”

Mint more win-win scenarios for everyone.

There’s a reason “nobody gets fired for buying IBM”. A lot of value is created simply by de-risking “the chance that making this decision makes me look stupid in front of my boss/peers”. And to a lesser degree, by increasing the possibility of “the chance that making this decions makes me look smart in front of my boss/peers.”